Heres a sample:
- Don't worry, your dad didn't know what he was doing, either.
- No, no--not that Spock!
- Second thought, maybe you should worry.
- Never tell anybody where your child was conceived, how long it took, or what song was playing.
- Do not name your baby after cities, geographical points of interest, features of the solar system, seasons, plants, animals, or current television stars.
- Your child, at birth, already has a deeply complicated relationship with his mother, and, for the first year, you are only a curiosity.
For a couple of years after that, an amusement-park ride.
Then, a referee.
And finally, a bank.
- If you want to subject your son to the unkindest cut, insist on a local anesthetic, since many pediatricians don't bother to use one.
The anesthetic is for the kid.
- Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.