Tuesday, February 27, 2007

What The...?

(Editor's Note: The following events actually took place on Tuesday, even though this is Wednesday What Nots... we're too late for Tuesday's Truth... slept through it, oh well.)

I ventured out into the “real” world this morning… all by myself… like a big boy!

I was on my way to my wonderful dentist to have a tooth fixed. Stop laughing, Jess!

I broke a tooth on Sunday, eating a Dorito.

And, you’re right Augs… it’s not the years, it’s the mileage!

As a man “matures” things start to fall off, break apart and shrivel up; its nature’s cruel joke, returning us to dust before our time.

Anyway, I was listening to my favorite classic rock station, (anyone born in the sixties doesn’t know a Akon from a Eminem) when the morning traffic report came on:

“Avoid the westbound Sunrise Highway, seems there’s a ‘Car-B-Que’ over there.”

A “Car-B-Que?”

I have to admit, after years of losing a few billion brain cells, it took me a minute to comprehend… the little people have taken their toll…

Then… it hit me!

OMG! That’s funny! Call TBS!

I felt a little bad laughing out loud, and it’ll probably come back to bite me... but c’mon… Car-B-Que.

Though, probably not as funny for the owner of the spontaneously combusting vehicle.

So I was in a relatively good mood when I arrived at the Dentist’s office. I was the first appointment of the day… I love that! No waiting… come right in!

But as I walked through the door of no return (you know the one) I noticed a sign:

What the...

My cell phone can flummox the machinery?

I know it can bring down planes during take offs and landings, and blow you to smithereens while pumping gas, but now they can blow up x-ray machines?

What kind of power do these little modern marvels possess?

If they have this kind of power while just being switched on, what happens when I actually place or receive a call? Nuclear Armageddon? Total elimination of all life on earth?

Al Gore was wrong... I know who really caused Global Warming... Motorola!

That’s it, the phone stays off unless I need it for a 911 call, or a shopping list text message… both matters of life and death.

As I’ve said before, I love my dentist. She’s the “Bomb!” (That’s for Augs and DraMa) Originally, she explained I might need a root canal, but she would do everything in her power to save the tooth. It ended up the damage was less severe than originally anticipated. I listened to her “big sister” speech on how I needed to return for a follow-up. She actually followed me to the appointment desk to make sure I booked the appointment. She’s a great dentist, but, boy she’s tough.

Quick side note:
*BIG CLAP HANDS* for spouses who provide a good living, as w
ell as, full dental coverage!

I returned home and napped my numbness away for the better part of the afternoon. This gave the Mommy some “quality” time alone with her sons… and me some “quality” time alone with my pillows – everyone was happy.

Then it was time for dinner. I needed to venture out again, into the dark cold night to pick up a prescription. I thought this would be a perfect excuse to pick up some MickeyD’s.

After a stop at the drug store I went over to the “Golden Arches” for some sustenance.

Hey, my dentist told me to "baby" my tooth for a couple of days… cheeseburgers are soft!

Besides, how much longer do I have left until my doctor puts me on a strict diet of fat-free cottage cheese and rice cakes?

I was on line at the drive-thru when I noticed another sign:

What the...

Now this is really starting to freak me out, Man!

Seems it “interferes” with the radio transmitters.

So I guess instead of getting a Big Mac I might end up with a Chalupa! And, at the same time extinguish all life within a 3 mile radius!

I refrained from any cellular communication while navigating the fifty feet of “radio free” driveway!

All this got me thinking of the 1970 song, “Signs,”

Sign Sign Everywhere a Sign

Blockin’ out the scenary breakin’ my mind

Do this, Don’t do that, Can’t you read the sign.

Its message is as appropriate today as it was thirty-seven years ago… only the players have changed!


Anonymous said...

I wonder if using your cell phone while blogging can mess somethin' up?

Hope not...

Glad you got to venture out like a big boy...doesn't it feel good?

Augs Casa said...

LID, I am seeing these signs also more frequently. Now if they are enforced is another matter. I see a sign on my train every day saying, "Please do not be a Cell Phone Loudie, Speak Softly. As for me, I got the new razr and all, but honestly, if I talk more than 10 minutes a month on it it's a wonder. Oh by the way, your post totally RAWK! You are the BOMB!

DraMa said...

1. Car-B-Que is sooo 1995. Get with the program.

2. We say MickeyD's too. Cool

3. I thought you couldn't use cell phones in the drive thru cuz it's just rude to talk on the phone will ordering food. I guess the real reason is the radio headsets they use... a positive result is no rude people talking to their bitches while ordering the Big Mac, eh?

Karly said...

What?! I always talk on my cell phone in the drive thru! We dont' have those crazy signs here. Must be you crazy Northerners.

Ginger said...

As far as the dentist I think that cell phone use is not courteous in some cases and people think people will more likely comply if they believe ther is a better reason. The clinic I work at has a similar sign but the employees still use them. I wish there was one on the road that said "Please turn off cell phones. They will interfere with your driving" Or "Please turn off your cell phone while talking to me as it is annoying as h*ll" I work in customer service and this is a big pet peeve of mine.

Gretchen said...

What I hate are the people with ear pieces - bluetooth? - they look like they're talking to themselves.

Ah well - hope the tooth feels better!

Oh, The Joys said...


(Stop? NEVER!)

Theresa said...

I've seen those signs too.

Maybe it's just us Long Islanders.

I didn't know about not using the cell phone when pumping gas. That's news to me.

Hope your tooth feels better.

Angel said...

My pediatrician has the same sign as does my OB/GYN but why I'd want to use my cell phone during THAT examination is beyond me. How do you answer the phone and if you do my mom always asks, "So, what are you doing?" "Ummmm mom... ohhh watch those doc, their cold." LOL

The new signs popping up at places all over is "No Heelies for safety reasons." Yep.

And car-b-que... that is something you feel badly for laughing for. It's like *hahaha... ewww cringe*.

Terry said...

My siblings and I all took our turn as Mickey D's employees... We lovingly refer to it as the Golden Hiney...
and in response to Ginger...
The ATL has recently instated a law that if you are on your phone and involved in any type of accident, you will automatically be charged at fault...As long as you dont crash.... they are still legal to use while driving!!

Angel said...

I hope you're having a fan-tab-u-licious weekend with the family!!

MyBestInvest said...

Just so we're clear: there is no dishonor in cracking your tooth on a Dorito. I think you may even qualify for some type of civilian Purple Heart for that. At least it wasn't a toasted Pita chip or rice cake.

If I ever crack a tooth, doing it on a Dorito is the way I want to go!

domestika said...

Signs, signs... yep, some of us can sing it in our sleep!

But about those cell phones, hmm...

Did you know that some scientists are beginning to link cellphone magnetic/wave interference with the "mysterious disappearing honeybees" disorder that's causing havoc in the pollination world these days?

Food for thought.

Or rather, since bees are responsible for 1 of every 3 bits of food we put in our mouths, perhaps it should be "thought for food"?

...besides those devilish Doritos, I mean!

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