Thursday, December 7, 2006

Christmas Chaos…and Coffee

Lately, I have been reading and seeing a lot of ways to cope with holiday stress. As recently as last night, I watched a segment on my local news that said I should learn some yoga; I should practice deep breathing exercises to “de-stress.” To this, I say, “Nonsense!” My friend, Maxwell House, and I will be just fine. I say we meet the challenges head on, full steam ahead. Are we men or are we yoga students?

There are lights to put up, shopping to do, homes to decorate, cards to send, gifts to wrap, food to cook, cleaning to do and family to see. All this requires some artificial stimulation. Nothing foots this bill better than liquid caffeine. Trust me, it’ll be a long winter, and we’ll all have time to detoxify. We’ll have time to cleanse our body and our minds and swear off caffeine until next December. Now is not the time to think about personal betterment – that’s for New Year’s resolutions. Now is the time to throw a “cup o’joe” down your throat and grab the keys.

There are three types of people in this world; those who don't drink coffee (a.k.a. tea drinkers), those who drink coffee, and coffee drinkers. I am the latter. As the primary care provider to multiple offspring, any re-heated black sludge in a semi-clean mug will do, my wife refers to this as “swill.” I say it’s proof of a higher power. Those who “drink coffee” can often be seen at Wi-Fi enabled cafes enjoying $5 lattes with friends, or just spending time with themselves and a good book. Obviously, not parents. For these folks, the coffee drinking experience is more a social occasion, rather than a necessity.

I blame the “play date” for the demise of coffee drinkers. Prior to “play dates,” mothers got together and drank the “percolated nectar,” shared tips, a little gossip, and some “adult” time, while us kids tormented each other in the backyard. Except for the occasional, “Stop doin’ that!” or “Don’t make me get up!” screamed from the kitchen table, these were good times. This evolved into rigorously scheduled “child interaction sessions,” posted and shared on “Outlook” calendars, and confirmed like doctors’ appointments. In order to make this “hip” you’ll need to bring along some designer java.

As the holiday to do list grows, I say, load the torpedoes and hit the mall, just don’t forget to fill your travel mug to the brim! Oh, if you’re giving me a coffee filled gift basket this season, please have the beans ground first; I don’t have that kind of time.


Mike said...

No coffee here. It just adds an extra step to my day!

The garage fridge is already here and runs without assistance from me, so I just keep a stock of Dr Pepper and a few select brews out there.

Bonus, I get some exercise walking to and from the garage. So what if it is only 7 steps.

Mike said...

AND The Princess loves to stock my sodas into the fridge for me!

Now is that good parenting, or what?

Long Island Dad said...

But, does she retrieve them for you when asked? Now that would be the sign of a master!

Susan said...

LOL!! My husband has our boys trained to a certain whistle. When they hear that whistle, they know that they're to run to the refrigerator and bring Daddy a soda. It's just too funny seeing our 13 year old and 3 year old race to the fridge to see who can get Daddy's soda first!

Long Island Dad said...

That's what I'm talkin' about. That's a master at work!

The Mommy said...

Mock the $5 “latte” drinker if you want, but that my friend is how the “Miracle of Christmas” is created. A stop to my favorite coffee shop for my $5 coffee, and my new favorite lemon loaf, kids get pictures taken with Santa and some gifts are bought, friends are met. $5 coffee for the way home; kids are feed, bathed and put to bed, the tree is then decorated along with the house, hey looks like I’m picking up a coffee on the way to work! After work hey maybe one more so I can drive in an hour and a half of traffic; to come home pick up pictures, send out cards, spend a few hours on line finishing gift shopping, wrapping gifts, hiding gift. All done by a mother who works and doesn’t sleep this is no job for your swill! So stay in your snobby would of “coffee drinkers”. Listen I’m a New Yorker, we like it bigger, we like it better, and we pay more for it. BTW this took me a whole two minutes to write, why you might ask… by my $5 coffee!

Mike said...

Not only does she get them FOR me...

She TELLS me when I need one!

"Daddy I get you a Dr Pepper. You need it, OK?"

See, I am still the king!