Christmas Chaos…and Coffee

Lately, I have been reading and seeing a lot of ways to cope with holiday stress. As recently as last night, I watched a segment on my local news that said I should learn some yoga; I should practice deep breathing exercises to “de-stress.” To this, I say, “Nonsense!” My friend, Maxwell House, and I will be just fine. I say we meet the challenges head on, full steam ahead. Are we men or are we yoga students?

There are lights to put up, shopping to do, homes to decorate, cards to send, gifts to wrap, food to cook, cleaning to do and family to see. All this requires some artificial stimulation. Nothing foots this bill better than liquid caffeine. Trust me, it’ll be a long winter, and we’ll all have time to detoxify. We’ll have time to cleanse our body and our minds and swear off caffeine until next December. Now is not the time to think about personal betterment – that’s for New Year’s resolutions. Now is the time to throw a “cup o’joe” down your throat and grab the keys.

There are three types of people in this world; those who don't drink coffee (a.k.a. tea drinkers), those who drink coffee, and coffee drinkers. I am the latter. As the primary care provider to multiple offspring, any re-heated black sludge in a semi-clean mug will do, my wife refers to this as “swill.” I say it’s proof of a higher power. Those who “drink coffee” can often be seen at Wi-Fi enabled cafes enjoying $5 lattes with friends, or just spending time with themselves and a good book. Obviously, not parents. For these folks, the coffee drinking experience is more a social occasion, rather than a necessity.

I blame the “play date” for the demise of coffee drinkers. Prior to “play dates,” mothers got together and drank the “percolated nectar,” shared tips, a little gossip, and some “adult” time, while us kids tormented each other in the backyard. Except for the occasional, “Stop doin’ that!” or “Don’t make me get up!” screamed from the kitchen table, these were good times. This evolved into rigorously scheduled “child interaction sessions,” posted and shared on “Outlook” calendars, and confirmed like doctors’ appointments. In order to make this “hip” you’ll need to bring along some designer java.

As the holiday to do list grows, I say, load the torpedoes and hit the mall, just don’t forget to fill your travel mug to the brim! Oh, if you’re giving me a coffee filled gift basket this season, please have the beans ground first; I don’t have that kind of time.